Just Like That
by Kailey Hamilton
Summary: "It makes no sense. What is it about having feelings for her, that makes me want to kiss her?" Kenyako. Oneshot.
_**Notes:** I haven't written anything for my babies in centuries, so I took a mental health day and brought this piece back from the WIP limbo it had been in since September. Feedback of any sort will be greatly appreciated. Thanks to the lovely demonoflight for proofreading this one :)_

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 **Just Like That**

My eyes keep drifting toward Miyako. She's been on the same page for fifteen minutes. She's grinning, not fixed on anything, not quite here but lost to the world, up in clouds and rainbows. Hers is a world of happy thoughts. I want nothing more than to be wrapped in it. She sighs, and her eyes dart up to find mine. For once, I don't avert my gaze. I have nothing to hide anymore; I can look at her and not feel shame if I'm caught. It's a bit odd, but it certainly makes her smile. And if it makes her smile, why should I stop?

But then she closes her book and leans back, biting her lip. This is when I look away.

"I was just thinking..." She starts. "I'm so happy we finally get to go on an actual date this weekend. Study dates just aren't the same... you know, I already dream of homework" She rolls her eyes. "Sometimes I just want to sneak out one night, and burn down the school, and use all these papers to fuel the fire."

I try my best to keep myself from smiling. I raise an eyebrow instead.

"Should I be scared?"

"I won't do it while you're there, don't worry."

"That's what you were thinking about just now?"

"No, I said I was thinking about our date. Although... that, that would be a fantastic date. Something to remember, definitely. What do you say?"

"Too high-profile."

"We could open a portal to the Digital World, and release wild Digimon into the hallways... The problem is, I'm the Computer Club president. They will certainly blame me. No. It has to look like an accident."

"You really have thought this through."

"I always have a plan." She smirks, but her glowing expression disappears in an instant. "It's just overwhelming. I still have three assignments to finish and I should've never promised my sister I would cover her shift tomorrow because now I have to pull an all-nighter anyway. I just... yes. I definitely blame school."

"We can always postpone our date." I fear this is the worst possible time for her to be in a relationship, with everything going on in her life. She doesn't need to know that I feel this way, so I add, "I'm starting to doubt your ability to be silent for two hours straight."

Miyako glares at me, as she struggles not to smile.

"Oh, please," she says, crossing her arms. "Once the movie is over, you'll be begging to hear my voice."

I think she wants to say something else; she opens her mouth, but closes it a second later. And of course, now I just have to notice the way in which her lips slowly come together.

I should not think about that. I better not.

"Ken-kun," she chooses to speak in the end, using that soft tone of voice I just can't resist. "I'm really looking forward to this weekend."

My heart skips a beat, and I can't contain a smile any longer when she places her hand near the center of the table.

"Me too." I know she expects me to reach for her hand, so I cover it with mine and squeeze it lightly.

To think that five months ago, it seemed impossible. It's still surreal how easy it is.. Things like that -her hand reaching for mine- or goodbye hugs, kisses on the cheek, or even a stare that lasts for a little too long.

Then again...

It makes no sense. What is it about having feelings for her, that makes me want to kiss her? And why is that so difficult? Isn't it odd? I know it's all chemicals and hormones. I don't care about those explanations right now, when all I want is to feel her close. It's been five months; five months since we started dating. Every day, this need gets stronger and it's different than anything I've experienced. It's nothing like holding hands in deserted streets, or in the quiet of my bedroom.

I better stop thinking about it - but I have so many questions, and no one I can ask them to. It's not even the kind of question one can just ask. No one ever told me how to muster the courage to even get that close to her. There's no way, no way that can end well.

Miyako brushes her thumb against mine.

"Is everything okay?"

Too late, I realize that my grip on her hand is a bit too strong. My cheeks feel hot. Great. Just great. I know trying to shrug it off and say everything's fine won't work. She's got that look in her eyes that admits no objection, and I have to say something, because saying nothing will make things worse.

Sometimes, I really hate myself.

"Ken-kun..."

"There's nothing to worry about," I reassure her. "I'm just... distracted."

"Alright." She sighs. It's clear by her tone that she doesn't believe me, but she's not going to insist. "We're not getting anything done today, are we? Maybe I should go home."

Miyako is worried, of course she is. She does that a bit too often, and I fear I add to the weight in her heart just when it's heaviest. I observe her for an instant, as she starts shoving her study sheets into her backpack.

"Miyako-san, please..." I don't feel like smiling, but I smile anyway. "You have nothing to worry about."

"You always say that."

"And it's always true."

But she stands up, ready to leave, and I follow suit. I want to stop her, but I don't know how. Five months can't undo the damage of years of pushing her away when she gets too close. No wonder she was so surprised when I asked her out. No wonder she pulls away on her own, when all I want is for her to stay.

The thought pops into my head, an epiphany of sorts, that I owe her the truth. At least this one time. If she misreads the situation... true, even I must admit she can be a bit... oblivious, at times. But I'm not helping matters. Miyako... she makes me so happy. If I can't do the same, it's entirely my fault.

What is holding me back, then? I don't fear rejection - but that makes matters worse. Rejection is a safe thought; as it is, I have to face the consequences. Things like, would she want to take her glasses off? Should I ask for her permission? Wouldn't that just be awkward? Wouldn't she be expecting the most perfect, romantic kiss? And didn't she deserve it? It's a regular day, we're in my room, we're doing nothing special. I don't think she'd want that. She deserves better.

But she also deserves better than a boyfriend that cannot be honest with her.

"The thing is, Miyako-san..." I'm almost whispering; I fear I might stutter. I can't look at her in the eye; her gaze is too deep. "I really want to kiss you."

Now that sounded silly. I should've just... done it, really. It would've been embarrassing, sure, but at least not _silly._ Maybe asking for permission wouldn't have been such a terrible idea. But saying it like that... what am I, twelve?

Silence lingers for a bit too long before Miyako steps closer. I muster the courage to look at her, only for an instant; her eyes burn with something I can't quite place. Then her hands are on my shoulders, she pushes lightly downward to stand on tip-toes - and just like that, she's kissing me.

She's _actually_ kissing me.

There they are, those butterflies in my stomach, after so many days, so many months of wondering, worrying, _hoping_ for this moment to happen. My heart pounds with enough force to break away from my body. I'm weak on my knees; my body is ablaze after a lifetime of ice.

I didn't know her lips could be so soft.

My hands find her waist and she breathes in sharply. Her grasp on my shoulders tightens. It's just a kiss, short and sweet, but it feels like a wave brimming with restrained energy, roaming countless miles until it crashes against the coast in beautiful chaos.

Miyako's lips feel tense against mine - she's smiling. I pull back to look at her. Her eyes shine bright as she adjusts her glasses and lowers her gaze, which makes them slip.

My chest swells. She'll be the end of me, I swear.

"Miyako-san..." I say, even as I don't know how to continue the phrase. I am still shaking, still holding onto her as if my life depends on it. I don't think we've ever stood this close for so long.

"Next time you want to kiss me..."

"I'll just do it."

Miyako laughs, finally looking at me.

"Yeah."

And just like that, I'm laughing too.


End file.
